Welcome to the worst site ever!

August 21, 2005
Kr1spy1 (4:16:29 PM): tim, what you didnt realize is everyone thinks that
Auto response from Goalie34UD (4:16:30 PM): Today it hit me that my life is basically a movie.. i should sell the rights now and retire and travel the world
Kr1spy1 (4:16:44 PM): and then you end up with a bunch of shitty movies... like Blast From The Past bad
Kr1spy1 (4:16:49 PM): do you really want that?!
Kr1spy1 (4:16:52 PM): I think not.

July 21, 2005
This is the first update in awhile. I’m not going to lie; this will probably be the last one I have until school starts up. It’s just hard for me to materialize words for the site because I am extremely lazy. I’ll put a warning out there for you all who may not want to read this entire thing, but this post is going to be completely about baseball and softball.

Obviously I love the sport, between an old man softball league and partial season tickets with the Phillies. Since Lindy and me go to games all the time, it can get particularly frustrating when the Phillies lose. A few weeks ago, the World Series Champions, Red Sox, came into town and mopped the floor with us. I’ll be honest, I rooted for the Sox during the ALCS (because Philly people hate New Yorkers) and again in the World Series because the Cardinals might as well be the National League Yankees. Well when they came here, I had high hopes especially for the first game of the series. The problem was that it was a sell out and I’d say more than half the fans were Red Sox fans. The Phillies lost horribly and Lindy and I had to leave early just to get outta there. One thing to note was that during the 6th inning when the lovable Philly Phanatic usually shoots out hot dogs into the crowd using a pneumatic rifle. This was a different day and there was a strange warning by the announcer saying basically that anyone entering the playing field will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law and streaking was strictly illegal. Well, not knowing what to expect the Phanatic jumps onto the field streaking, not wearing his traditional Phillies Uniform and backward hat. Lindy then chips in “Is this supposed to represent the embarrassment we are watching?” That may have been the wittiest thing Lindy has ever said.

Now to where this ties in. On Tuesday, we went to another game against the LA Dodgers. It was a very fun and entertaining game between the constant lead changes and the home run that landed 2 seats in front of me. Well, Lindy and I noticed from the very beginning that there were some amazingly annoying fans behind us. Obviously we don’t say anything to them, because they are cheering for the Phils. It turns out though that these fans were really Red Sox and Yankees fans (amazing that they actually hung out together) and we started hearing Red Sox Sucks and Yankees Suck cheers. Well the game reached extra innings and Billy Wagner, the Phillies closer, walks a guy to get to He Sop Choi and this guy behind us was yelling out how stupid Wagner was for doing this. At this point I lose it, turn around and say "He Sop Choi is batting fucking .220 its called a potential double play ball, learn the fucking game!" He starts to argue with me but I just ignore him. Then bottom of the 10th Burrell leads off with a triple I say to Lindy, "if we win we're gonna rag on this guy bad." Ryan Howard then hits a homer to win the game. We cheer at first then turn around and yell out "FUCK YOU" to the guy and give him the finger. That may have been single handedly the most gratifying moment of my life purely because it was pay back for when the Sox came into town a few weeks back.

Now to shift gears a little, my softball team had one of the final games of the season (two remain). The team has not won with out my brother there and this was our heated rival. In our past two outings we lost to them in the bottom of the 7th (last inning in softball) and lost to them in a play off game in extra innings. Their team is even like ours, for instance their shortstop. Lindy put it best by saying “He’s just like you, you both field pretty well, you both hit it on the ground, you both play short stop, he just is faster than you” in which I retorted “Josh I am the Rickey Henderson of our league, no one is faster than me.”
Our team jumped to a good 3-0 lead due to great pitching by our new pitcher Jim, who we call Phenom. As the innings go on and our elderly team starts to tire (being the youngest member of the team, other than Lindy, by 15+ years I also tire out the first) we gave up some runs and were at a point down 8-3. We refused to quit and thanks to some clutch hitting we tied it up in the bottom of the 6th at 9 all. After a scoreless 7, we went to extra innings and played great in the field to have a 1-2-3 inning. In the bottom of the 8th we were anxious to finish the game and lead off with 2 hits followed by 2 outs. I then came up and thought to myself “well the worst that can happen is that we just take the field again.” I noticed that my rival shortstop was playing closer to third and just wanted to hit it up the middle. Having no real experience in placing the ball I just wanted to wait on the ball, and when the pitch came in that I hit I ended it up putting a little loop fly ball in to the right field. The right fielder dove for it and ended up missing and being in no position to get the ball in to stop the scoring run. This was probably my first true clutch hit since I bat first every game and rarely is anyone on base. It felt good to win the game (2nd of the season, 3rd since the team’s creation) and I was mildly pleased with myself. The funny part happened today in an email though, Mike our first baseman who has been injured for a good part of the year sent out a team wide message saying

Who's Dan?? I agree, Matt has been most improved.
[…]
Way to go TEAM (that won't go out for a drink!!)

Mike - next year is the year for drinks. Josh and I will be 21 and Dan will be back... but his wife may not let him out.

Also, thanks for the praise, but keep in mind we still have two games left, plenty of time for me to do a complete reverse.

June 10, 2005
Hi everyone, this post is like a month late. To all those that were wondering, I’m not dead. Let me first off thank Jack for making me post. He was actually going to be the fabled next day post that I spoke of last time. Thus you should click on that link and check out the site devoted to my website’s number 1 (and probably only) fan.

So the next logical question is, why haven’t I posted in awhile? To be honest, I have been thinking about it. There have been a bunch of stories to tell, things that were funny, or stupid shit I have done. It’s hard to say why I haven’t posted at least a dozen times since my last post but it should change in the future (but probably wont).

Let me just list the things I should have posted about in the past few weeks. And yes all these ideas have come up before hand; I’m not making them up right now.

1. Why Hell doesn’t exist, at least in the way that everyone has imagined it
2. How I’m a moron and gave some bad advice that ended in a police ride, 2 towed cars, a fat stripper named ‘Daisy’, and a Phillies win (not in order of occurrence)
3. The comic, PvP (Player vs. Player)
4. Star Wars Episode III which should have been subtitled Lindy’s heavy sighs
5. My brother’s return to our softball team, and our inevitable 36-6 loss followed by a 12-9 win (we lost yesterday 12-2)
6. How both Lindy and I suck at golf
7. The awful dialogue of Dan Brown, author of The Di Vinci Code and Angels and Demons
8. How Freakonomics will piss off both left and right wings but more so red states
9. How I called it that Dan would stop updating his site
10. How with the invention of the toaster, man became more powerful than God
11. Nate’s friend, Steve’s wedding
12. The Phillies hot streak
13. How I was asked to coach a diving team, and declined for the good of those developing divers

May 9, 2005
So as I hinted before, my brother Nate (the one who doesn't have a "nerdy" website) graduated from West Chester University with a major in History and a minor in French. This was a historic moment for him because he has been in college for quite a number of years. As he said, "lots of people go to college for 7 years, they're called doctors." Well anyway I just wanted to say congratulations to him through this website where the WHOLE world can see it (but really only 5 people are... and one is him).

1. Different Music: Before I start, yes i know, it's a classic, everyone loves the graduation march. Let me just say that too much of a good thing ruins it. I have been to about 6 or 7 graduations in my time and I'm already tired of that music. I'm not purposing new music because eventually that would get old too. What i want is to use music at the school's discretion. Change it up, I think everyone would be a lot more hyped to see the graduates walk to the Imperial March (ala Star Wars) then the graduation march. They could use any music from any score of an action movie. And yes, it would have to be an action movie because, if they took it from a romantic comedy it would lose the seriousness of the ceremony. Also, with the change of music it would lead to my next point...
2. Conflict: Any good story line needs conflict. It's what keeps us paying attention to it. Even documentaries have conflict. The problem with graduations is that it potentially has a huge number of protagonists, i.e. the graduates. My solution to this is to take the emphasis off the graduates for a moement. I know we should be celebrating them but no one wants to hear a graduate speak about clichés and moving on with their life because we've all heard this shit before. I purpose that about halfway through the ceremony a professor or dean says something completely contraversial. Not towards a group of people or anything, just like singling out another faculty member. Then the accused faculty member can than threaten the accuser and a fight can take place. For no real reason other than to tell who's the bad guy and who's the good guy they would have to wear capes (which I swear are coming back in style - just you wait). After a good fight, the problems are solved and everyone bows to let the audience know it was just a performance. Trust me if this happened, no one would forget it, even if it was fake. Everyone would just be astonished it happened.
3. Fireworks: I don't care if you're a pyromaniac or what, but fireworks are a great way of keeping someone's attention till the bitter end. Last year I was at a phillies game that was 16 innings long against the Baltimore Orioles. After what seemed like every Phillie trying to swing for the fences and ended up striking out the Orioles won 7-6. It was a sold out crowd, but the way the Phillies lost (Thome 0-8 with 5 strike outs - his first booing in Philadelphia), how long the game took, and the fact that beer stands have been closed for hours you would think that everyone would leave. The fact of the matter was that a lot of people stayed to watch the fireworks. I personally was too disgusted with the Phillies to stay, but I'm not everyone else who did stay. What I'm trying to say is that fireworks would force everyone to stay till the end of the ceremony, mostly because it gives them a reason to give a rats ass after the person they care about went up to recieve their degree.
4. Public Speakers: The public speaker at Nate's graduation was in my opnion a very well spoken man, with interesting topic points, but was giving the speech to a restless audience. I am not expecting every public speaker to give a graduation speech like Jon Stewart did at William and Mary. All I ask for is brevity. At Dan's graduation, La Salle had someone from Russia or something talking about who know's what. I didn't care for what he said and I'm sure that the audience, graduates, or staff did either. I'm sure that these people deserve the honorary degrees that they are receiving but I really would much rather have them speak very shortly about whatever they want. In my head I'm thinking about Chappelle's show with the "Wrap it up" music that's in the oscars. It doesn't take 5 minutes to say that America is not great as it use to be, that abortion should be illegal or legal, that monkey's can live in space with the help of the phosphorus in bananas. People do not want to listen to that crap, they just want to hear their names, get a piece of paper that says that they accomplished soemthing and leave.
5. Mascots: At a sporting event, when things are going poorly for the team, what is one thing that fans can trust on to keep their attention and hope alive in the game? Mascots. These guys are out there day in and day out in the heat or cold of the season making jackasses of themselves for our entertainment. Hell this can be coupled with my last point. I would love to see these people giving speeches and when they say something wrong they can hop on their little car and shoot hot dogs into the crowd. Food AND entertainment, that's what it's all about.

May 7, 2005
Placeholder. I have a few things to say about Nate's graduation but I don't have the time to write it right now. This post is just a reminder to check my brother's site, he updated today.