June 29, 2003
I am sitting here covered with sweat. Why? So i have perfect recollection of this weekend. Trust me, i am making this a short, simple post mostly because of my smell is making me nautious. Yesterday i was the optitome of lazy. Sitting in my underwear all day playing video games is a perfect way to feature me. I saw Charles Angels: Full Throtle with a few people that night and i was going in thinking that movie was gonna be horrible, a pitiful waste of time, and i was up for it to get away from my house. It wasn't that bad. Mostly cause whenever i thought about what i was watching a quote from family guy rang in my head:
"How about I am Charlie and you can all be my angels. Except you [points to real fat chick], you can be Bosley"
June 27, 2003
here is something i wrote yesterday, in case i couldnt think of anything to write about for today.
TheStarr84 (11:05:15 PM): Everyday i walk around in the city, see some really hot girls and i dont want to stare but i end up having to. The girls who are carefree and love being paid affection to stare back. The other bitches turn their head, angle their body, ignore you. I hate when girls do that, and ic ouldnt imagine why. Today i am walking down this street and this obviously gay guy is staring at me like that, and i angle my body the way the girls do to tell his basically to fuck off i am striaght.
June 26, 2003
Well, without going into too much detail i had a little fight with my computer. After a struggle for a year i basically pulled the cord on its metaphoric life. The next day i sent it to rebooting camp. Sure enough it came back yesterday and was back to its dynamic self. I had things to update but thanks to the ports being closed at work everyone is shit out of luck. Mostly because i have forgotten everything i was going to post. The only thing i have is this link (scroll down to the conversations). Thanks to Jess Derr for it.
June 22, 2003
Well, it is 4:54 AM right now, and i felt that i should update. Glick said soemthing to me that i found simply humorous.
I'm gonna hit you in the wallet, where it will hurt the most!I dont know why that is funny, but it was simply clever when he said it. Thank god for online games, you know, i dont know what i'd do with out them... on second thought i might have a social life, and not a stupid website, but then i wouldnt pleasure so many people... like 10... including myself. My mom says that the reason why i change subjects like that is because i have schizophrenic tendencies.
June 20, 2003
Sorry there was no update yesterday, i forget what happened but i am sure i was just too busy. Anyway, this week's main theme in center city was loitering green peace fuckers. On monday i had to cross the street to get away from them. And then when i got to the other side of the street I smirked, and thought i was the man, but then one fucking jumped out of no where and asked their gay question "Do you have a second for greenpeace?" Then the next day the guy asked me not once but twice. I was like go the "fuck away, shouldnt you be helping a dieing whale?" I dont know why i hate Greenpeace so much but it probably has to do with how i dont like hippies in general. The 60s are over, i was born in the 80s and i should be lucky enough never to see a hippie again. but no! these fuckers are out on the street everyday annoying people. I really cant stress how much i hate them. I think next week i will take their survey (of course on company time) and then rip off the paper wipe my ass with it, and then throw it in thier face. That oughta knock em down a few notches.
June 18, 2003
My brother said something funny to me:
Nate: im with brooke in muncy, she just got her tonsils out and her breath smells like poo
Nate: im leaving, brooke needs to get toilet paper for her breath
Its things like these that gave me such an... imaginative sense of humor.
Update: I just checked the 10 day forecast. Ugh.... just look:
June 17, 2003
Haha... this day was a bad day but i have a good story. Kris came over my house sounding urgent and this is what happened:
Kris: Hey Matt you gotta check this out.
Me: Yeah, what?
[Kris drops his pants to show off his recently bought speedo]
Me: Oh dear God [averts head]
Kris: Yeah so does this fit right?
Me: Yeah [still looking in the opposite direction of Kris]
Kris: Are you sure?
Me: For the love of God Kris, pull up your fucking pants.
Between that and seeing a full grown man wearing women's underwear earlier today I am feeling very nautious. And if you arent highlight the line under this.
Kris: Are my balls suppose to come out the sides like this?
June 16, 2003
Today i was offered to move the website to another location. Insey being very generous will allow me to use up his website (which should be the address of www.insey.com/~kr1spy/ or something along those lines) and his bandwith. For those of you who havent been there, i urge you to go there, its a much better website than this piece of shit. Until i have made up my mind (unless people start IMing/emailing me to say YES or NO) i have to think about moving from this original location.
Also while playing Wolfenstein: Enemy Territory my mom asked me if they used any profane terms of that era in the game (u know about killing jews and such). First of all this is a legit game, not a game that "Klassic" Kris made. They wouldnt want to put that crap in there unless they were asking people to sue them. It just pissed me off.
June 15, 2003
Ugh, too tired to post. Just got 2 follow up pictures:
June 14, 2003
Technically its the 15th right now but this should have been posted earlier. The quote of the day was:
Me: Mom, did i get any calls?
Mom: No
Me: Sounds like a normal saturday evening then.
In reality i was quite ambitious in what i did today. I went swimming for nearly 2 hours, hung out with kris' and his girlfriend, and then went to go see a movie. By the way i was about to go on a rant abuot Hollywood Homicide but the last 25 minutes purely made up for the fact that i was falling asleep in my seat.
June 13, 2003
For those of you who i told, when i voted in the pennsylvannia primary election there was no incumbant for constable of upper dublin. So i wrote myself in as a joke. After doing a little research today and i found out i actually fit the requirements.
The sun directly over head a sole siloute appears down the desolate street. Constable Matt "Danger" Starr has completle control of the situation from his isolated location on top of the high school. The figure slowly moves forward, covered with heavy assault rifles and explosives. The order comes in, two blasts echo through the valley of buildings. Blood spurts from the back of the assailants legs as he falls forward. Trying to turn himself into a human bomb he tries to trigger the explosives. He is unsucessful as he lands hard on the pavement. The situation now clear as the gunman is left unarmed after swarms of heavily armored swat teams ransack the man. The constable steps forward and confronts the captured criminal. Starr squints his eyes and lays it on nice and thick, "Not in my town". Another job well done by the newly elected Constable.So remember to vote for me next primary, and then the next election!
or if you dont like that ending...
Reflecting on the day he tilts his head towards the sky and smirks.
or that one
As the gunman is brought to the squad car one more shot rings though. Blood splatters on the white police SUV. The barrel smoking in his hand, Starr states, "Bitch gave me attitude".
June 12, 2003
Real quick since i am at work. CNN has officially ran out of ideas.
The article that talks about a 7 year old being recruited by the military is crap. The military just goes after anyone who sent that crap in. Therefore its not really news for this kid to be recruited but rather more of a stupid coincidence.
June 11, 2003
Hmm... not too much to say today. Howard recently called me to go play volleyball and i said "No way man, you cant make me!" And he didnt. I would say this is a big moral victory for me and all the lazy people out there. There is only one thing to do in a situation like this... the saftey dance.
June 10, 2003
First off, props to Insey on capturing what a real LAN party is all about. That being, caffeine, games, and playing cruel jokes on each other. Like kris getting a penis drawn on his face when he fell asleep, or like champ getting a nice baby powder bath.
Anyways, another day of boring work. ALl i do is go to Inseys forums and post now (see above link). I didnt even have any conversations with homeless people today.
On the forums though i read an article that disturbed me. Not like this but this. This kid who just made a recent $500 was led out by this 14 year old slut who promised him sex. And he was promptly beaten to death by his friends. The only thing i am happy about it in all of this is that these faggots are being charged as adults. I mean come on, u killed your friend! for 500 dollars that needs to be split four ways. thats 125 dollars each. 125 dollars?! come on... COME ON... Maybe i dont have that killer instinct but i couldnt imagine killing anyone especially not my friends. Thats just fucking retarded. If they had anger problems they should have asked this doctor. Not only would he help you but he would make a funny comment about u. Alright time to stop myself before i go on to a rant.
June 9, 2003
I was listening to the radio and i think i finally figured out a pattern of music genres:
Rap: They are either always whining abuot something or exclaiming how good their life is. Smacking their bitch up and smoking crack in the alley is also a reoccuring theme in their songs. They would rather say words to a beat then try to create music. They are like adult Dr. Suess books, filled with n-words and fuck and shit etc.
Country Music: Another bunch of whiners who sing of love and lost. Too bad they all live in trailer parks and the average weight of a male country singer is 270 lbs from all the pig anus they eat. I leave this category with 2 quick tidbits. From Family guy "The term redneck is a bit too far, they perfer country music star" and of course Jols hit country song "I lost my shoes on the highway".
Punk: These rat bastards mostly hailing from America Jr. (Canada) sing about how good thier lives are with out going to school. Congrats you pieces of shit, when everyone downloads ur music instead of buying it you can sing about pumping my gas. As for people like Lindy and Howard, i am sure you have seen my impression of punk rockers.
Jazz: Good beat, good music. Only problem with it is it reminds me of homeless people. Ever since i started working in Philly i have been noticing these homeless people who start singing scat and playing the trumpet and shit. I feel bad for them as i concentrate on not making eye contact.
Rock: Well this is my favorite type of music but i can find faults in it still. Well more like problems with radio stations. If i hear another fucking cold play song i am gonna firebomb that radio station (note i am bluffing i am not gonna bomb anything. I swear. the FBI should note that they have bigger fish to fry than me). And as for playing blackhole sun so much. Yeah it was a good song... in 1995! play new shit damnit.
Swing: Yes i own a swing cd. Lindy relax. It was before MP3s and i liked one song so i payed 17 bucks for the cd. As for swing coming back, before even considering it see that stupid movie with Brenden Fraser.... Blast From the Past. For those of you who know me i have very big attention span, so i will watch somethign stupid for hours. Well i actually turned off that gay movie.
agh... oh well i am done for now.
June 8, 2003
Yeah, i kind of neglected the website. Yeah, well i have been up for about 24 hours now, and i ran across some pictures i made in good ol' high school of caricatures of people. Take for instance this one This picture of howard was a not so funny caricature that i made back in the day. I cant really explain it though cause i am retarded. Next i have a picture of me. This was my alter ego, back when i had passion for swimming. Actually no, i never had passion for swimming. Third we have a picture of Jol, funny, just too funny cause that relationship only lasted a week. Last I have a picture of Kris, in his old glory. Notice how he looks like Hitler. Yeah that was my opinion of him.
May 3, 2003
Ok. Big announcement. As you can tell i am really slacking. Jol and I have been talking, and we are calaborating on a new website. Details are shady at best right now, but please read the questions that i have prepared.
What does this mean?
Well, you can expect to see everything that is here, on the new site, plus more humor from Jol and anyone else willing to participate.
Is this site going to be still up?
Well, yes... but i wont be updating it at all, or nearly as much as i use to (like a lot less than April for instance).
What is going to be on the new website that isnt on this one?
Well, lots of stuff. For one a real good lay out. Humor from jol, and a better posting reliability.
What kind of stuff are you bringing over to the new website?
Probably the same stuff that i have brought to this masterpiece... comics, crazy links, the works.
What about the comics with you and Kevin?
Well it is as simple as this; School officially ended yesterday. So there wont be anymore "Crazy Adventures of 103 Edwards" anymore. On the other hand, there will undoubtably be more comics with Kevin in it in future dates.
So whats the address of the new website?
...undertermined. There will be one. Definitly. And if there isnt, this site will definitly not close down.
Is there any chance i could be staff writer or material provider?
Yeah probably, you'd have to talk to either Jol or me though. It all depends on what we are doing with this site.
Will you at least be regular with comics on the new site?
Look, i am not a woman's menstrual cycle. I cant pop out comics like its my job, because it isn't. I dont see anyone donating money to me. And no i will not accept any money. I dont want to feel pressured to produce comics, as i say to anyone who IMs me about comics "You can't rush genius". I can say there will be new comics and i will try to make them frequent enough that no one should ask. Remmber 1 comic made with time > 7 comics made in 7 days with out any thought.
Anything else you want to say?
Well not really. But i am willing to answer questions of the public. Instant Message me here. Or E-mail me here.
April 30, 2003
Back at school... one more day of finals and i am outta here. Anyway no comic today. Most likely a comic tomorrow though (and if not tomorrow definitly friday). Anyway i came across this website. And i dont know what it is or what its for, all i know is that it is crazy and that Kevin would probably love it. Enjoy!
April 24, 2003
Tired, beaten and broken I am going to sleep. I got to page 5 of my paper and ran out of material. Its now 2:28 AM, and i have a full day of classes ahead of me. Good night.
April 23, 2003
A little break from studying. No comic, no time. I am not even gonna guess when i will put the next one out. Get those emails rolling in (see yesterdays post). Anyway, i just wanted to point this out. Evidently those backward hicks of Alabama screwed up their laws, so Bush may not even be a candidate for reelection in 2004. The Democrat majority in the state legislature is gonna hold it back too. I dont like bush, so i think this is funny. Have a good day.
April 22, 2003
Hi. I'll get straight to the point. The reason why i havent updated in a while was because my grandfather passed away last week. Most of you already knew that so thats why i have heard practically no complaints (lindy). If i have time (its the end of the semester time to start doing a lot of work) i will be more than happy to update with a new comic. Next week, i will once again start up the random comic state. If you give me a topic, i will write a comic about it.
Rules:
Has to be a real situation, nothing mythical (unless it has to do with super jews). It can not be pornographic in anyway. And most importantly, i have to be in there somewhere (yea i know my ego is huge). I look forward to hearing from you.
April 14, 2003
COMIC! I have had this comic thought of since the last one. Its pretty self explanitory. Haha, but you should check this out, it's saddam's batchelor pad. Not even Castro has a pad this stylish. Enjoy.
Update:Yea, the update is that Sarah Mulholland is now the supreme solitaire queen with a whoppping 64 second solitaire time. My best is only 103... why cant i be good at something!
April 13, 2003
First things first, no comic. I went home for the weekend because i wasn't feeling well. Anyways i am updating because I have a funny link. Click here! Have fun.
Update:Well after watching TV and reflecting on how hyper i am from stupid energy drinks i will vent at the status of TV right now. Focusing mainly on the 8:30-9:30 time slot on FOX i think that the theme was that its okay to cheat as long as it is justified. Thats a great lesson to teach all the kids that watch tv these days. Lets all fucking cheat. Hey, its right before taxes are due, why dont we cheat on those too. Stupid producers... why cant they just go back to funny topics like child beatings and "special episodes" when they catch their kids with drugs.
Well on the brighter side i think i am going to post a comic tomorrow. I havent had one all month, and seeing how the month is half over basically i really need to step it up.
April 10, 2003
I am really sorry. I actually thought i'd have a comic done by now. I failed. Oh well. I am going to the phillies game tonight so i doubt i'll update this with anything else. BTW, i fixed the link in the previous post. Sorry about that.
April 9, 2003
No comic! To the surprise of Lindy. Heh. Well i have a great picture of solitaire. Congratulations to Tim Derr for beating Laura Ball's record. Too bad tim that its fucking April you loser. I havent posted about this in 4 months. And thanks a lot of cropping the file for me you fucker. Evidently its not good enough for me to entertain all of you but also do your dirty work. Ah Fuck off!
Editors Note: Be nice to me, i gave blood today
April 8, 2003
This isnt an update. I am just doing this to piss josh lindy off more. Have a great day.
Haha... i have no excuse for not updating except that i keep getting pestered by people. Look here is the last few days of converstaion with josh:
April 3:
[07:14:22 PM] bigassape(NEw Skool): dammit update ur site
April 4:
[07:33:04 PM] bigassape(NEw Skool): update the site u said my comic would be out by friday god damnmit
April 7:
[02:28:34 PM] bigassape(NEw Skool): god mother fucking dammit update ur site
[02:28:54 PM] bigassape(NEw Skool): u should at least of the curtisy to update once a while
[07:43:50 PM] bigassape(NEw Skool): mother fucker u still didnt update
[10:58:19 PM] bigassape(NEw Skool): so when u going update seriously
April 8:
[12:14:47 PM] bigassape(NEw Skool): god dammit matt its been 5 days
Then after my little joke...
[12:53:38 PM] bigassape(NEw Skool): I will kick ur ass
Thats it. :-D
April 3, 2003
No comic today. If thats what you are waiting for you can stop reading... now. Anyway i just took a crap and i swear it was like fucking rush hour, people were coming in taking a shit and then leaving in 20 seconds, just as the person left another would rush in, squat, release a relaxing sigh, wipe, and leave. What the hell is with people who wipe while sitting. Girls i guess can do it cause they have to wipe every time, but guys? come on. You do realize you are sticking you hand about an inch away from where you just deficated right? Fucking stand up, thats why you have legs. 'Nuff said.
April 2, 2003
Jesus, i am still laughing at that April Fools Joke. Hehe, and i got a whole lot more that i can use. I cant wait until next year. Well unless i become incredibly enlightened there will be no comic today. I should have another 2 some time this week (probably tomorrow and saturday). But I'll summerize my thoughts on the war in one simple picture.
April 1, 2003
I hope you enjoyed my April Fools Joke :-D. Here is a list of responses:
And they go on. Haha fun times. John thought i was gonna cry. Haha.. ahh best day of the year. The messages saved are all thanks to my good friend trillian.
[05:47:15 PM] wineandphoto: Congrtulations for being booted of Comcast for violating its TOS!
[05:47:24 PM] wineandphoto: What the hell did you do?
[02:45:01 PM] Goalie34UD : your site broke the TOS of comcast!?!?
[05:43:40 PM] cloak01: why would they erase your site???
[05:43:53 PM] cloak01: what will I do with myself now?
[06:41:34 PM] turkinaa: your site!
[06:41:40 PM] turkinaa: what happened to it?
[03:02:34 PM] laurz821: your website isnt working :'(
