December 14, 2006
You ever look at a story and think, if I was a superhero how would I first get the word out about my awesomeness? And I bet you’re thinking, if you’re truly a superhero you don’t need to be reminded of how good you are, you should work on the welfare of others. Well that’s bullshit, the only reason anyone ever does anything is so they can be showered with praise. So anyway, back to what I’m getting at, in this news article you see something that I can’t even express in words. Let me just quote the first paragraph:
BEIJING, China (AP) -- The long arms of the world's tallest man reached in and saved two dolphins by pulling out plastic from their stomachs, state media and an aquarium official said Thursday.
November 27, 2006
Okay, there are some things I want to mention. Television is something I don’t get to watch much anymore because I’m too cheap to buy cable, and the things that I do watch are for the most part on network tv.
Heroes – this is actually one of the things that influenced the post a little ago because I was watching it when I came up with the idea. I wanted to interject what I thought about it onto this page but as I wrote that I was literally insane on 6 cups of coffee with no food, and more or less wasn’t coherent, it was more like mental diarrhea. This show, which Dan hates from the one show he saw, takes more than one episode to catch you. Some of the characters aren’t great, and some people are way over powered (radiation dude who could cause a nuclear explosion?) but all in all, it doesn’t drag and keeps your attention for the hour its on.
Lost – The only reason I started to listen to this was because of Preston and Steve. It’s interesting how you make a show. You take a tragedy, interject the characters lives into flash backs, add some supernatural aspects, and then start 25-50 mysteries that may never be solved even though there is a “logical explanation to everything” according to the producers and you get one of the most watched tv shows. Some things are frustrating, but at the same time it is actually a pretty good show, and deserves to be watched. It’s hard to get into, so I’d recommend buying or borrowing or renting the entire first season and then make your assumptions.
House – my current favorite show on tv. I watch it for the medical drama part of it, but his smart ass remarks take that show pretty damn far. I mean drug addiction has never been funnier.
Scrubs – I like medical shows evidently. This is actually the real reason I’m posting this. The show starts its 6th season on Thursday. I’ve seen every episode too many times. Seriously, this show rivals The Simpsons on how much I’ve watched it. It only really has a cult following which I think is wrong, so go out and watch it.
November 18, 2006
Let me just tell you quick about what adult sibling rivalry is like. I think for the most part that my brothers and me get along. But it's basically a giant pissing contest between us all. My oldest brother, Nate just got engaged and the engagement dinner is coming up (next week i believe) and they sent out an invite over the web to us. And here is a prime example of what i mean:
November 11, 2006
I know I left some of you on the edge from my last post. I was actually going to talk about how I was coughing up blood and went through a phase of a few days where I actually thought I was going to die, but it turns out I’m fine. It rarely happens anymore.
So since then I was thinking about things to post about. And it hit me the other day when I was buying stamps. I bought a book of stamps from the school store and they just happened to give me super hero stamps. They were based off of DC comics and for the most part I was familiar with. I think I should just run through some well known super heroes (at least to me) and what I think about them:
Superman - This guy sucks. He may have been the first comic superhero but seriously he has one weakness. He can fly, see through walls, shoot lasers from is eyes, is super fast, and super strong. It's fucking super-lame. I should make a rival superhero called perfect guy, and his only weakness is premature ejaculation.I think that’s enough. Hope you like that enough to come back in a month and a half for another post.
Batman - pretty much the complete opposite of superman. No inherent super powers, and does it all through training and gizmos that his company makes. I am not being influenced by the movie Batman Begins (although that movie rocked) but he might be my overall favorite superhero. Despite the fact that he kicks everyone’s ass and that it’s the most realistic. He acts like a rich guy should, beneficial but acts like a playboy. I mean shit if I was a billionaire I’d like to fight crime and get with all the floozies that comes with the money.
The Flash - I like him, purely off of the appearance he made in one Superman cartoon. He was the biggest asshole because he was so cocky. I think if he would be the only superhero who would get up in Superman's face and tell him to fuck off. Considering how his only power is to run real fast, it’s amazing he can actually fight crime at all.
Green Lantern - real men don't wear jewelry ... 'nuff said.
Wonder Woman - what the hell was the creator thinking? She has a lasso? What the fuck? She's like the old Twinkie commercials, he had a lasso too. Didn't she have an invisible plane too? How is that helpful? She just kinda looks like she's sitting on nothing while flying around.
Plastic Man - he was on the book of stamps, he's a cheap rip off of Mr. Fantastic. I don't like creative superheroes that need to think outside the box in order to use their powers.
Hawk Eye - He was in this video game I had back for Nintendo which I loved. He uses a bow and arrow which makes him pretty lame, but I guess that’s all you can hope for from DC comics.
Captain America - he has a shield that acts like a Frisbee. I guess that’s pretty cool, if you're a hippy. The only thing that makes him cool is that in his history he fought against the Nazis with wolverine.
Spider Man - I actually liked the first movie which I think did a great job showing his transformation into the web crawler. But the second movie (Which from I hear is close to the comic book, like the first movie) shows why this comic sucks. There is too much shit about Mary Jane in there. So much that I think that Peter Parker likes reefer more than he likes girls. I can understand why people like him because he has legitimate weaknesses but all I see is that he's a wimp who doesn't like using his powers.
The X-Men - quick round up:
Cyclopes - good except doesn’t use his power enough, too busy trying to be an ethical leader, don't we have enough of that from frauds in real life?
Jean Gray - sucks except when she's the phoenix cause then she's badass.
Night Crawler - probably my favorite x-man - it didn’t really show it in the movies but in the comic he's got an attitude equivalent of that of Gambit.
Gambit - awesome, considering his power is nothing special.
Wolverine - anyone who says they don't like him is a blatant liar, although I think he's too strong in the movies, much more accurate in the comic/cartoon when it takes more time to heal than instantly.
Rogue - best woman superhero, she obtained her powers by sucking them away from a better hero, straight up shows that she's not all good (much like all people). She's a little like superman but when taking enough damage she goes down and frequently loses fights.
Storm - cool power but kinda pisses me off in the cartoon with her infinite speeches while she's doing shit. If I were another x-man I’d tell her to shut her pie hole.
Beast - I think he's kinda cool considering he has the powers of a mongoose-ape. a lot of people would probably disagree with me, but fuck them, it's not their website.
Just for fun I’ll talk about the Fantastic Four.
The human torch – cool because he’s just another pyromaniac. I’d give him 10 to 1 odds that he causes more trouble than he helps
The invisible girl – she can be invisible and has a force field. Invisible is cool, force field doesn’t make much sense but is pretty useful
Thing – “It’s clobbering time” -- awesome.
Mr. Fantastic – If he’s fantastic, it must show that the world is a pretty shitty place.
September 28, 2006
(Note: This post has been backdated because of the inability to access the server to upload it. It is a rough date when i wrote this, and thus the guess on date) The last few weeks have been a pretty frustrating, sad time. First and foremost, a friend of mine died. And although you are reading this, you probably don’t know him. And yet you do. My website address: http://starr.insey.com is a testament to him. His name is Jordan Inselberg, but we called him “insey”.
Back when I was in high school, my friends and I use to come together and be nerds in one centralized location that being usually a basement of someone’s house. We use to network all of our computers together and play video games literally all night long, consuming massive amounts of caffeine to stay up and yell insults at each other while we were virtually killing one another. Well, insey was one of those guys who would show up.
The first time he showed up, I remember showing the guys some videos of random crap I found off the web. One video was a mouse being fed to a few piranhas. Considering how disgusting the footage actually is of seeing a mouse swimming around and being eaten alive, the crowd was entertained. Afterwards insey comes up to me and says “where did you download that from?” and I reply from www.wtfpeople.com (one of the websites I use to get funny information from, but slowly turned into a hardcore porn site – not that I’m complaining). He then tells me that he is actually the one hosting the video, and that so many people downloaded the file from the site I found it at that it cost him some $164 in bandwidth costs. He then wrote a letter to that website and this is the response he got:
August 10, 2006
Back to back updates?! Actually, I forgot to add this to yesterday’s post. A few months before school ended last year I changed my voice mail on my cell phone. The previous one was a robotic sounding pronunciation of my name which I was getting a lot of flak about from my peers. I changed it to the following song:
Believe it or not, Matt’s really not homeThis song is a parody of the theme song to “The Greatest American Hero” . When I first changed it, I liked how everyone seemed to enjoy it and afterwards I would break it to them by saying it’s actually from an episode of Seinfeld. In that episode, George was preparing for the Yankees Ball. He wanted to show off his girlfriend but then realized that she wanted to have the break up talk. Instead of standing there, he ran off. He then spent the rest of his time screening his calls; every time someone would call the answering machine would play. Eventually Kramer breaks up with George on behalf of his estranged girlfriend.
Please leave a message at the beep
I must be out or I’d pick up the phone
Where could I be?
Believe it or not I’m not home!!!
August 9, 2006
With summer dwindling down I felt like I should update since it has been months and there have been some interesting developments. Well, life these past few months can be easily broken down into a few categories, life down the shore, softball, and home developments. Now that I feel that this is turning into a five paragraph essay I can simply ease into my first segment.
Living down the shore every weekend is great. Best money I’ve ever spent. It’s basically just a combination of drinking until my liver hurts, sitting on the beach, and going to over priced bars. After a full year of not vomiting because of drinking, this summer kind of hit me hard. It hasn’t happened every week but seriously every once in a while I have a fit of vomit. Most notably after a night spent with some college friends I drank so much that I don’t even remember throwing up (in fact I thought I dreamed it). Still, I somehow made it to a bathroom (although not into a toilet). The next morning I felt terrible, I was watching the first game of the world cup and new I couldn’t keep it down any longer and threw up a few more times hung over.
I don’t know how to transition from vomiting into hookups but here it goes – I got with a 30 year old chick. For those who don’t know, I’m only 21. I kept telling myself during this that age is just a number, but this girl made a big deal about it. So much though that I lied about my age and told her I was 25. See, age shouldn’t matter but when you start thinking of things such as school, it does make it weird, such as when she was a senior in high school, I was 9. JZ, my ex-roommate who I share the house with, said the next day “so you made it this far into the summer and all you’ve gotten was with a 30 year old.” And I said “it’s better than getting nothing which I was on pace for.”
Moving on, softball season ended about a week and a half ago. We ended up going 2-13 for the season. That’s two wins, and thirteen losses. We really aren’t this bad. It’s depressing. I go out there to play every day win or loss, so I am having a great time either way. Lately though, through team emails I have been bashing Lindy which he does not find as funny as Dan or me. He told me to tone it down which I started to do at the end. I think he’s just upset that I have a higher batting average, higher on base percentage, more hits, at bats, walks… ok he is still a better hitter than me but it’s not often when I say I’m better than him at anything so I’m trying to live this up.
As for the developments at home, other than Dan getting married in just a few weeks, planning the bachelor’s party, and him finally finishing the bar exam, I’ve had to busy myself at work. It’s not that bad but sometimes I kind of regret coming in for the day, but I’m pretty sure most people can say that about their jobs. The good thing that came out of working is that I got out of school housing. For some reason, La Salle won’t just let you out of housing with your money back even if it’s before school started. I had to take a co-op during the year (at my current job) to get out of it. Sometimes that school really pisses me off.
Anyway, that’s all I got, pretty much brings everything up to date.
June 28, 2006
I'm bored out of my mind today and i just thought i'd post since i haven't done it over a month. I'll just quickly run through the medical problems i've faced thus far this summer.
Misc shoulder problems: This actually started well before this summer, in fact it probably came from years of swimming and diving. It turns out that if you can't play a sport right, don't try to do it wrong or you'll hurt yourself. In this case I had to go get an MRI on my shoulder and I found out that I have arthritis. I'm 21 years old and I have arthritis already. Also, it turns out i have no cartilage anymore so its just bone on bone in my shoulder causing chronic pain. If that didn't top it, i had to find this out second hand because my doctor called my oldest brother, Nate, instead of me with my results.
Jammed thumb: This was my fault, i was having a football catch on the beach and just misjudged the ball it fucked up my thumb. The next two weeks it was swollen and black and blue. Three weeks after it happened i can still barely swing a bat anymore. Luckily that won't be a problem anymore because of the following.
Sprained Ankle: Yesterday we had a softball game, and anyone familiar with the weather in Philly knows that over the past 5 days it has been raining near non stop (in fact i couldnt even get to work today because of flooding). Well anyway, there seemed to be a break in the storm yesterday and we played the game. Here i am standing on first base after hitting into a fielder's choice. Dan's up and hits a line drive single, I turn second trying to go to third and my traction is interrupted. My right foot that was on the ground at that second keeps its place because of the cleats but my ankle gives out and i'm on my back. Instead of worrying about that though, i hop up and rush back to second base. The only thing i mutter out to the opposing 2nd baseman is "shit, it's slippery". Today i wake up and it's three times the size of my other ankle.
I guess i should be use to injuries like this, what with last year's high ankle-blood blister thing and my entire left arm becoming completly black and blue in a rare blood giving accident. I'm just a little concerned that its still june and have already suffered so much. Good thing there's alcohol and motrin out there or i'd be seriously fucked.
May 13, 2006
I’m sitting here kind of bummed. You see, tomorrow would be my graduation day from college but unfortunately I am four classes behind. I could have walked with my friends but I was trying to hide the fact I was coming back for my 5th year such that La Salle would continue not charging me tuition (although, in recent news I can stay for up to 10 years for an undergraduate degree). What cheers me up though was watching the Phillies win tonight, 12 of 13.
This brings me up to the bulk of my post. The other night I tried to post on a myspace blog my nicknames for Phillies players (both now and past). Unfortunately, when I pressed upload it lost everything. I hate myspace with a passion, but that is not the topic of tonight’s post. The topic is my list of Phillies player’s nicknames, originating mostly between Josh Lindy and me while at our season ticket games.
Current Players:There are actually a lot more but this is all I can think of right now. And as always this list will be expanding.
Ryan Franklin – BP. As in batting practice (pitcher). If anyone has ever watched batting practice its when pitchers throw 60 miles per hour and every hitter ends up spraying the field with line drives and power hits, including a few homeruns. This nickname describes just what he tends to give up.
Aaron Fultz – Launchpad (Mcquack) . For those of you who remember Duck Tales comic books and the television show, Lauchpad Mcquack is the pilot who crashes everything he flies (helicopters and planes alike!). The Mcquack was actually added later on, because we called him launchpad cause every time he gave up a hit it seemed to be a homerun. We would make fun of him constantly about it, in fact so much so that we didn’t see his ERA drop last year to a 1 point something.
Tom Gordon – Flash. This is his official nickname, but it’s awesome. I mean for an old guy, this guy is so damn entertaining to watch. I mean last few years were cool with a Wagner 100 mph fastball, but Flash has so much movement on the ball that he is quickly becoming one of my favorite players.
Brett Myers (last year) and Ryan Madson (after first two starts this year) – Cy. Short for Cy Young who won 511 games in the early 1900s. It should be noted that after calling both of these pitchers this nickname they both started losing. As you’ll see, irony will come in no small amount with our nicknames.
Sal Fasano – Greasy Bastard. The first official game Josh and I went to this season we saw him at bat and on one pitch he swung and the bat slipped out of his hands and went a good 50 feet into the crowd. We start cracking up, like we think he is the biggest scrub ever. Then on the next pitch he jacks an upper deck homerun. Ever since then he’s been referred to as a greasy bastard. Oh and he looks greasy, seriously.
David Bell – Dr. Clutch. Ironic name. This comes from the first game I went to in 2005. He wasn’t playing too well and a few guys I knew from school start yelling out any nickname they can think of at the time. The one that stuck was Dr. Clutch. We’ve been using it ever since.
Jimmy Rollins – J-Smooth. Every home game they have a thing they do between innings where a fan will ask the Phillies players a question and they will answer (prerecorded obviously) and one question was “what’s your nickname?" and everyone goes by real quick saying one thing, spending a max of 2 seconds on the camera. Then they get to Jimmy Rollins and he starts rattling off like 15 of them. The one that we remembered best was J-Smooth.
Bobby Abreu – Sleepy Mexican. Yes, I know he’s not Mexican, he’s Venezuelan. And he’s probably the best player on the team. But he acts so damn lazy sometimes. There are some fly balls that he could dive for and easily get. My brother, Dan, came up with this nickname to personify this.
Pat Burrell – Sir Streaky. Pat Burrell was the first overall pick of the 1998 draft. When he came up to the majors he had a spectacular year. Then he got signed to a big contract which followed by two really bad years (and I’m using bad lightly). Anyway, last year and so far this year he’s been pretty decent, but he goes on hot and cold streaks. Thus the name.
Aaron Rowand – Captain Clutch. This one is non-ironic. He gives like 384% a game. Right now he’s on the disabled list because he ran face first into a wall. He broke his nose and part of his face with lacerations under the eye. By the way, he fucking caught the ball. He plays with a fire, and leads by example.
Shane Victorino – Flyin’ Hawaiian. Dan’s nickname again. I didn’t realize he was from Hawaii originally and thus thought it was an ironic nickname, but he really is. That and he’s really fast. It just works out. I wasn’t going to use it but when he hit a double the last game I was at I caught myself yelling “You’re the man Flyin’ Hawaiian!"
Past Phillies Players:
Billy Wagner – Wags. I started calling him this because an ex-roommate of mine, Bri, used it a few times. I used this nickname so much though that my brothers began to wonder if I knew him personally.
Tim Worrrell – Worthless. This is by far the most aggravating pitcher I have ever seen. I mean we got him so that he could be a reliable backup if Wags ever went down, and you know what happens? He’s awful. One game after a rain delay, he’s pitching and I’m so frustrated with him I yell “THROW STRIKES!" Then Josh pointed out the count is 0-2. Still, he heard me, since we were 2 of like 200 left at that game that night.
Brandon Duckworth – Brandon Duckworthless. This nickname was actually before Worrell’s. I know we’re not very original for using it twice but whatever. He was useless. Josh was right to calling him this.
Jose Mesa – Joe Table. One of the more reliable closers the Phillies ever had but one year he was really struggling and everyone just started translating his name literally.
April 16, 2006
I'm really shocked that its been this long between updates. Seems like i just updated the other day. I'll cut right to the point, i'm shutting this site down. Haha, nah i'm just kidding. Actually i just wanted to share what i read in the newspaper today. As you should know baseball season started. As of today the Phillies are 4-7. Also, as of today the Sixers are pretty much eliminated from making the playoffs (i'm not a big NBA fan so thats basically all i know of that team). Anyway, there was a write in letter in the newspaper today I had to share:
March 26, 2006
According to my Non Sequitur calendar today is Mothering Sunday in the UK. I have no idea what that is... but i just thought it'd make an interesting open for my post. So about my last post. I worked on the A10s update... wrote about 2-3 pages in word single spaced and was only up till Tuesday when i stopped writing. The meet went up to Saturday, but well frankly, i dont feel like continuing it. I had this conversation with Tim about my posts and he said something to the effect of if i'm not typing it as it happens, its not as good. And frankly reading what i wrote so far in that post that never was posted... its true. So this is what I'm going to do, I'm going to post what i have so far (sometime this week) along with a catalog and hopefully some funny captions of all the pictures i took and hopefully you all will enjoy it.
Continuing on, I came back from home this afternoon and saw three funny IMs that i received. Oddly enough, each one was funnier than the one I read before. I'm not sure why. I'd like to share them all:
Sarah: So i'm watching TV, and a commercial for a local furniture store comes up advertising for "Magic Bob's Furniture" The commercial consists of this: A guy is talking up his coffee table. It's one that the top moves so you can also use it as a dining room table. so a woman is on the couch with him and is upset with him when he moves the table, knocking her feet off the table. So then "Magic Bob" snaps his finger as she starts complaining and she turns into a six pack of beer. Its one of the funniest commericals I've ever seen.Unfortunately i cant show the third one because i plead the fifth. You'll have to ask me about it. Thats all i got for now. Be back later this week.
Notes: This is from Sarah's screenname but it was probably Dan my brother (Sarah is his fiancé). Commericials seem to ammuse me more than most television and new movies. Mostly cause I think about who the target audience is and why these commercials probably won't work. The only thing i'm sure about is that sex sells, and beer commericals are the best (except the corny budwiser ones) because they don't even try to sell the beer, they just try to make you laugh.
Lindy: http://www.pornorip.net/.
Notes: First of all, anyone who knows lindy he doesnt just send out random porn links, i actually asked for this last night. I just think this is funny because he actually remembered and sent it to me.
March 4, 2006
It's my spring break, and I bet you're all wondering where the A10s report is. Haha... yeah i feel like this is school work and i'm procrastinating. I'll get started on it soon. Yes, i said started... just remember this poster:
February 20, 2006
I'm back from buffalo and am currently working on the update. But here is something that you can look at while you wait, here is the best dive (in video) i have ever done (right click save target as). If it doesnt work you need divx.
February 8, 2006
In the wake of next week's end to my diving career a new challenge has broken out. My roommate Bill Watkins has openly challenged me in a triathalon. We will be competing August 6 for one case of beer. The race is 1.5 kilometers of swimming, 40 kilometers of biking and finish it up with 11 kilometers of running. All i know is it's on and i'm going to beat bill like he stole something from me.
January 21, 2006
Got a few things to say. First, the previous post is no longer valid, i guess facebook just kinda blanked out there for a few days because everything i wrote is back. I only have added one since then but i thought it was pretty funny. Two, for those of you who have seen me lately i have been growing out facial hair. Well, i was planning on not shaving at all until A10s (February 20) but i decided against it after i got back to school and was called an array of things such as "Dumpster Man", "lumberjack", and the most hurtful of all "Koy Detmer". So anyway, i trimmed it a bit, and now just have a goatee... and it still doesnt look good. The last comment i heard about it was "What'd you do? Buy brillo pads and paste it to your face?"
Well, besides that, today marks the end of my competitive career in swimming and diving at La Salle's pool. I don't have much to say about it other that i'm tired of hearing people say "How do you feel to be done?" or "Are you sad?" I feel like those questions are a waste of my time, and your time if i answer it. But i did find this amusing, someone (as of right now i don't know who) left this up on my computer which made me laugh a bit:
January 2, 2006
My first bad news of the year... facebook's server crashed or something so it lost all of the stories that I wrote for people. Since I’m an optimist though I’ll just get drunk and rewrite a bunch of them, they’ll be completely different but who cares.
January 1, 2006
Happy new year.
